Interview with a first timer

An afternoon like every other for a recently college graduated university drop out guy who is myself. Sipping on coffee, smoking ciggerates and talking about the next trip to the desert, the vibrator goes off (not the good kind) and i look at the strange number on my phone.
"Hello?"
"yelou, is zis My Yussain Refayi?"
thinking there are no french collection agency after me anymore, i left Canada a long time back so I announce "Yes. who is this?" i say it in the politest fashion
"oh, Daniel motet calleeng, i am zi opeaation manijer 'ere, you have rghecently submitted your 'resume to schlumbeijer"
damn, someones actually calling me im one lucky fucker "yes, i did a couple of weeks ago" (big smile)
"Mr Yusain, are you free for an integhview tumoghow?"
"Mm, yes actually i am" (FUCK YES YES YES YES)
"Well, we are in zi Salam tower on ze corniche, 4 th floor, do you know it?"
"Yeah i do" (no clue where it is)
"perfect, what time will you be coming in"
"Anytime is fine when are you free?"(Hope he doesnt say morning)
"es okay wis me you can coom in anytime"
"ok great, ill see you tommorow"
"oh but yoo must tell me what time"
(its not the sheesha fucker you cant just jump in)"Eleven is good"
"Eleven is accilant"
"Ok see you then " (frenchy)
i just announce to my friend on the end of the table that my magical resume seems to have flown around and gotten me an interview tommorow. He chears and hurras, tells me to wear a good suit, looks at my muddy caterpillar boots, put on some clean shoes and don't go in with that hair too spiked up. I find out where this salam tower is and wait for tommorow to come.

Sun is up, ciggerates in my mouth, i chew a little gum and make my way up to zii fourth floor, theres a security gaurd that asks for my id, holds it to write my name, and then the secretery inside says Daniel is not in yet, but it wasn't 11 and if he made an appointment he will be here, so i sit and wait thinking i just got the runaround and soon enough the secretary says he's is coming in. I Stand up and look at this small figure approaching, and the only thought that comes to my mind is that this guy is really tiny, but thats a big pimple on his purple lips, and he looks dirty. He looks up as he shakes my hand and i feel like a tall tower. Standing there with a dark blue silver striped suit, a light blue shirt and one damn shiny tie. I was tanned from just sitting spending my days pointlessly around the streets. My stomach was at that moment a good flat plank that showed some abs due to lack of nutrition(things changed very quickly). I never forgot the look he gave me that first glimpse of slight surprise it was just like what he sees isnt what he expected to see. In all honsety what i saw in him isn't what i expected to see either but anyways back to my conquering heights insight. It always make you comfartable to be taller than someone, its a feeling you get like you can walk over anyone. He walks ahead of me and i notice his ricket shaped legs and the fast short steps he takes till we get to the office and the door is locked behind me. I take a seat in this small clostraphobic room that looked like it was built by an accident of putting the wrong walls up in strange positions. (is that a corner?)

He looks gives a smile, and i flash him my pearls as wide as they go cause im just a happy bastard
"Yusain i am veghe glad you made it, was it easy to find zi bilding?"
" yeah had a lot of trouble parking, i went to the other end of the street" (small talk)
"oo yes , purghking iz terghibol"
we make some more small talk and he browses through my resume asking me a question about each paragraph.
"what dos ziz mean advanced diploma"
"well bachelors is 4 years, diploma is 2 years, advanced is in the middle of those two"
"ookay"with a smile "and internet application developer, im soghy it is a long name, what did you do in collge"
I laugh " Yeah its not a very good title, it means programming, with an emphisis on network applications and web development" (bullshit) "we did programs in java and visual basic.." and i went on making every little needle looking like the greatest works of science.
"ziz graduation project is also programming"
" yeah i made a program that lets computers talk to each other on the same network" (fancy way of saying i made a Hussein Messenger)
we got of the questioning and back to chit chat.
"so Yusain where are you from oghiginalee?"
my resume said Canadian but i was as Canadian as a desert camel. "Palestine" (big smile, proud native with an emphesis on the 'P' and 'INE')
"so you have no country" (little smirk on his lips)
(You racist son of a bitch french ass kissing toad licking, eifil tower hanging, bug eating, long bread, pointy nosed son of poodle) "you know what they call people running the other way in the battlefield?" (smile on my face)
"ooh ? " (little smirk)
"French" (big smile)
he has a little laugh, i share it with him and we carry on the to different chit chat.
"Okay Yusain, i will call ouagh technical esspeght to do the second paght of zi integhview" (shit im screwed) He gets up i get up too " would you like some fghuit" there was a big plate of apples on the desk outside "no thank you" (smile).
This figure comes along shakes my hand hes on eye level so there was no walking over feeling. we head back into the tight room where he is shown my resume and we are left behind closed doors. Now this guy does not look a tad friendly and does not even go into chit chat or any kind of talk, he turn the resume to his side take a few moments to look at it and raises his head up, opens his eyes really wide and stares straight at me, he holds his stare with those big eyes like he is challenging an eclipse and i get it, he's trying to intimidate me. so i smile and keep my eyes locked on his ( im thinking about how sparkly my eyes must be at this moment, are they shining the threat right back at him?).
"what do you know about the oil industry"
"well my family was.."
"No no no no, i said what do YOU know about the oil industry?"
(he just interupted you mid-sentence, fine you wanna dance, i'll tango on your grave)
"Nothing"( i dont give a shit, i did know some shit but i was in no way going to plead a case to this bastard)
"what kind of projects did you work on ? it says here you had a graduating project"
"well we worked on program to communicate between"
"no no, you say we, i want to know what YOU did"
(my hand twitches, its urge is to grab his head, slam down on the desk, poke his eyes out with his pencil and hang him out the window my tie) " I wrote a java program to " well you know the rest.
"Do you know how to use linux "
"i've used it personally at home for a bit, so i have a little familiarity with it"
"Ok, if you said it was a professional subject i would have tested you"
( you can test my sperm count you ugly ostrich)
"Can you tell me what exactly is the kind of work you do and what is the project your recruiting for?"
"Ah we are looking for a Log Data Processor, you will be taking data from an old field and applying corrections to it on specilised software"
"what kind of software?"
"It is a oil industry specific software made my schlumberger" and he stutters to explain so i jump in
" you mean in-house software".
"yes exactly, we require someone with trouble shooting skills, you might have to go into the database and use SQL to modify it"
"So its a data entry position"
"yes"
He asks me some questions and i answer as plain as i can without emphasis, which is what he was trying to get to, but i havent had my comeback yet, hes trying to belittle me and trying to make nervous but fat chance fucker. I ask him a lot of questions myself to get him to talk about what kind of work it is and all that crap. He says something about new technology and i tell him its not something i would mind learning" he makes me repeat that sentence cause he was fishing for some kind of plea with the words "Teach me master" we carry on for a bit and then i sum up all his words and throw his shit talk right back at him.
"So what i understood from you is all i have to know to do the job you require is know linux and a bit of SQL?" he paused for a second and i saw it in his eyes, he flinched, he knew i just threw away everything he tried to make look like the holy grail and braught it down to the only two facts he mentioned, he knew i got him behind his own bullshit.
"yes"
(chew on it fucker)